Tuesday, January 6, 2009

...

She wonders why I hate myself so much; she wonders why I think of myself in a negative way. She wonders why I listen to the music I do, why I like tattoos and piercing so much. She wonders why I don’t like myself.
She tells me that by getting a tattoo that I don’t realise it is forever when I suffer from forever everyday. I know how long forever is and having to live this time without the two people that gave me a tad of confidence forever will never be easy.
I relies forever is permanent, forever is a very long time and sometimes you just have to live with things that your not amazingly keen on for forever.
So I know what forever is.
She says I'm beautiful, she says I'm lovely looking and she doesn’t see how I cannot expect the fact this is what other people think and why I cannot accept what I look like.
She says I have lost all values because I have stated I want tattoos.
I cried when she said that.
How the fuck have I lost any values or am lowering myself in anyway. I have sworn my life to no drinking, drugs, smoking and promiscuous sex and she is saying I have no values.
I cannot except myself as a person in whole, I hate myself and I have a very low self confidence for one reason, she dose not except me for who I am as a person, for what I like and what I want to do with my life and body. She is always telling me I'm wrong, always putting me down and telling me I cannot do things that I love.
So how can you like yourself when your own mother doesn’t?

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