so much

a man comes home from a week away to his beautiful home to see his beautiful family.
his young wife
his loyal daughter
his adored son.
its 3am, its dark.
the key is under the front mat like it always is.
he walks in his room to find blood. a trail of red sticky juice of his wife splatted across the room
his heart beats to panic as he follows the trail to her walk in closest filled with out grown fashions and the past.
he finds his wife.
throat slit.
eyes gawged out.
blood from the ears.
he finds his son.
naked.
privates chopped off.
insides from his tum spilling out.
he put up a fight.
The man cannot breathe.
he stumbled out of the wardrop.
mind in shock. the reality yet to set, hard hard like concrete.
he limps distorted towards his daughters room to find her on her bed.
her arms sliced.
her hair chopped off and throw around the room.
shes naked and dry blood and vomit fill her mouth.
a pen sticks out of her punctured neck.
in front of her is her diary, full of her rubbish she writes.
he picks up the small worn book and reads the last word written by his daughter.
"everything i write comes true."

So much i want to write.
i want to fall in love but my emotions have been stolen by someone who dosnt actually want them.
he would be perfic.
be would be amazing
why is he going.
fucking hell.

They stuck a needle in my throat and it sent me straight to sleep. Not a goodnight sleep, no no no. More of a sleep, a weird sleep that by wakeing from it will cause more sorrow then if you slumber on. So i lay there with my thoughts. alone with my mind. I can run all i want but i cant escape my worries. I'm not going to let this happen, although we both know it wants to swollow me whole.
Death staired at me during this slumber its blood shot eyes staired down at me and its cold breath thrickled through my vains.
I left that knife in my heart.
i Felt that gunt o my head.
IM looseing my mind.
If you see it please let me know.

needs

i dont remember when the last time i felt like this was.
the last time i craved to hold a person
the last time i thought that i cannot do this alone.
i cannot do this alone.
and i am lonely.
im and scared.
so so scared that every part of me wants to shut down or run away.
because this world is too big for a little girl like me
and it has swallowed me hole. iv become a victum to its everything and all its ways.
i cant remember the last time i needed to cry on someones shoulder
my pillow normally is the only one i have.
but i miss being loved i miss being told im something, i miss being something to someone.
becuase right now im nothing more then a joke , not a very funny one, just a joke of a human, a joke of an earthing.
im useless and a waste.
i cant remember the last time i missd.
i dont know who i am anymore
and i dont know who my true friends are anymore.
you all change so fequently
do things i wish you didnt
hurt my feeling for stupid resason.
your so heartless.
its like i dont matter at all.
and im slowly seeing i obisly dont mean a thing
not to you and you and you
and as i sit here in tears wishing i was dead
i cant remember the last time i needed to be loved.

stupid.

emotions are fucked.
everything changes.
you get emotionaly attached to people you are not allowed to.
you get happy.
you get sad.
and when you finaly rest on that emotion that you could spend forever on.
you are shortly smashed back into this curel curel world or reality.
seems im banished for life.
you are ashamed.
shy you say but we both know the turth.
when im with you im on my forever emotion.
nothing else matters.
nothing but you.
and im so so stupid for feeling this way becuase we both know once more that this is going no where.
we will get suck in this rutt then slowly dift apart.
its what happends to lovers, its what happends to freinds.
i guess its just what happends.