the blue tounge wants to kill me

yep, thats right.
his name is jackie chan and he lives in my garage.
and he wants to kill me.
i have to lock the dorr between the house and the garage just in case
ok
here the story of how i am now being stalked by a blue tounge.
its not very long but after it you will understand my silly rants.
ok ahh i think it was i dont know, sometime this week.
i went for a bike ride down to burleigh
and i was riding down my street on my way to burleigh and i looked on the road just as i felt i ran over something.
i looked down and i see a fucking blue tounge. (jackie chan)
so i turn around to see how much damage my peice of shit bike has done
turns out i only ran over the tip of his tail.
so i just left him.
next day i was getting some meat out of the freezer in the garage. and i hear this like massive rattle next to me and then a big think of wood fell above me, just missing my head.
so i picked it up thought it was just the wind and went inside.
next day i was about to get in the car when i heard russling in the shit next to me.
i looked down and jackie was sitting right in front of me sticking his little blue tounge in and out at me.
like normaly anything like that would shit its pants and run away
but he just sat there staring at me until i almost shit my pants and got in the car.
and today when i got home from work. jackie chan was sitting in the middle of the garage waiting for me.
so now im scared.